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ADMINISTRIVIA

Editor-in-Chief:
A.B.Credaro

Sub-Editor:
A.B.Credaro

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A.B.Credaro

Head of Production:
A.B.Credaro

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CONFERENCE APPEARANCES BY A.B.CREDARO


M.E.M.O.North Dakota,USA - October, 2003: Confirmed.

S.L.A.Q., Queensland, Australia - June 2004: Invitation accepted.

California, USA - November 2004: Correspondence still continuing (for two years).




Note: The opinions expressed herein are solely those of the author. Any resemblance to real librarians (living or dead, or somewhere in between) or real libraries, may be a coincidence - but probably not.

Biblia, the Warrior Librarian, was created by A.B.Credaro. The practice of Warrior Librarianship is common, and therefore quite possibly in the public domain. As such, it is likely to be exempt from any copyright restrictions. However, this does not limit Warrior Librarian Weekly, its agents, employees, heirs, spouses, family pets, or others connected with the zine, from trying to make an easy buck from its use.

All material on this site was written by A.B. Credaro unless otherwize stated. Requests for permission to publish or circulate should be directed to same.




THIS SPACE HAS BEEN LEFT BLANK FOR YOUR ROUGH NOTES

MARCH BONUS: ARCHIVED EDITION

WLW BREAKING STORIES ... Astrophysicist advises of impossibility in extending library hours due to nature of time measurement .... librarians puzzled over CT citizens vote to “balance the books” ... Retired sea captain giving away 18 million gospel books … Grammatical purists outraged by South Africa campaign for “Books to watch cricket by” .........

LIBRARIES IN SOCIETY
Return to Family Values

Last week saw the convening of the first international conference of Librarians Who Don't Like Where They Usually Hold Conferences (LWDLWTUHC). Using the original (though not very catchy) theme Libraries for the 21st Century, the conference focused on Family Values.

 Adams Family.
Family values? But which family?

Being an international conference, most of the ten days was spent informally discussing politics, international trade opportunities, and the outrageous cost of books. The last day was devoted to producing extensive documentation for presentation to their library managers to justify their absence and expenses. One librarian (who preferred not to be identified for tax purposes) stated that " yeah, if we don't take back something pretty thick with graphs and stuff, they mightn't let us come again next year. "

The main challenge was to nominate a 'typical' family that represented the norm in modern society. It was decided that an extended family would represent the need for taking responsibility for elderly relatives; that the family must be well known throughout the world; and most importantly, one that was in no way controversial, political, or would change in any way over time. For these reasons, the philosophies and values of the Adamms Family would be incorporated into the policies of the association ... ...

... There is no more to read >>

ETHICS
Popular Fiction

Librarians globally have been asking should we provide pulp for consumption. Not that they ask this very much, or very often. Actually, it's usually just a question for a course paper at library school. Then you've got to go and do all this research and stuff, then sweat out the wait for grading.

Book Cover with title Plump Fiction.
Another Parody Title

Here in the real world, we know that people want to read this stuff. Like, what else is everyone going to read? Ever had anyone put "War and Peace" on reserve? Ever seen an arguement over borrowing order of any of the classics? Or fights over thick books? (Except for Harry Potter. And then it wasn't a real fight, just some pushing and shoving and name calling. Besides, the blood washed off really easily. Thank goodness for laminated furniture.)

So should librarians actually promote material of limited literary merit? The answer to this can only be found in the course notes, and by covert enquiry into your marker's opinion. Then just give them the answer they want - but take a few pages to do it. For librarians at the Shelf Face, the answer is really academic ...

... There is no more to read >>

WLW RESEARCH
Environmental Metamorphisis

The WLW researcher has uncovered what is possibly the most least understood syndrome affecting the general population.

 Embarressed dog owner
Embarressed dog owner.

The phenomenon of people looking like their pets is well-known; the mystery is whether the animals are chosen for their close resemblance at purchase/adoption phase, or if the pets come to look like their owners in time. However, the possibility that the owner starts to look like their four-footed (or feathered, furred, finned, or whatever else starts with the unmentionable letter) friend AFTER exposure does not seem to have been closely examined. At least, not by any reputable researcher. That would probably include WLW.

Recently coming to light is the fact that people start adopting the features of the workplace. Notice how accountants start looking like blank paper? Or doctors and nurses actually smell like hospitals? Or politicians sound like thick government documents? Consider the tragic case of Rowan McCarthy, librarian, who turned into a pile of books ...

... There is no more to read >>

POSTHUMOUS CELEBRITY INTERVIEW
George Burns

After an extensive search for a genuine medium, WLW has contracted the services of Madam Betrug. Although somewhat dubious about the authenticity of her references, the WLW accountants gave the go-ahead, based on her hourly rates.

George Burns speaks out on libraries.
George Burns speaks of his experiences in libraries

WLW: Mr Burns, thank you for your time.
GB: Well, I didn't really have much else to do ...
WLW: Mr Burns, can you tell us about your experience in libraries whilst you were here with us?
GB: Well, I used them quite a bit when I was younger. I can remember that my favourite book was
WLW: Thank you Mr Burns, but we didn't really want that sort of information. We're paying by the hour for this. What we really want to know is if you have any really funny stories about being in a library, or if you knew any librarians personally or anything?
GB: No. I just went and got the books out like everyone else.
WLW: Maybe something funny happened on the way to the library, or while you were in there? Or maybe you came up with some joke material after seeing something happen in the library?
GB: No. But a few funny things have happened since I got here. Maybe you'd like to hear about ...
WLW: No, but thanks anyway. Got to go now.
GB: OK. Bye.

... There is no more to read >>

WHERE'S THE BOOK?
Printing commenced
Biblia's Guide to Warrrior Librarianship Production: The book is now at the printing stage, but no firm date yet available for release ... but 'promised' for March 2003 ...

Preview: The front and back covers are available here, at no cost. You'll only have to buy the bits in between, but you'll also get a hard copy of these covers, gratis.

... There is no more to read >>


SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION
From the Mailbox
We are just so happy we didn't accept the US$4.6 million from Nigeria - this week we were offered US$9.5 million from Gabon. This is far more money than we need, so if you'd like to go halves with us, send your bank details to . Here's hoping that none of those nasty spam bots pick up his email address from this web page ...

... There is no more to read >>

LATEST HUMOR PAGE
How to be successful at meetings
The top tricks and tips for getting your point across at meetings - can be used at library-related gatherings, or for meetings on any topic for any purpose ...
... Check it out >>
MORE ORIGINAL HUMOR
Laugh yourself comatose.
No, folks, WLW isn't just yet another directory of humor. The Humor Index contains over 90 original humor items, all written by Biblia the Warrior Librarian. Honest. Use the genetically unmodified Alphabetical Index or the dolphin-safe Dewey Version. Caffeine-free version still to come ....

MOST POPULAR BIBLIA PAGES
From last month's hit counter:

OPAC Error Messages

Library Songs

Vital Latin Phrases for Librarians

Rejecting the Stereotypes

Collective Nouns for Librarians

Virtual School Library Tour

Last week I wrote that I expect that something really exciting would probably happen in the library this week. Readers will be pleased to hear that I was wrong. Again.
More >>
EDITORIAL
Biblia, the Warrior Librarian
Graphic by Peter Lewis

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
What Orwell feared ("1984") were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared ("Brave New World") was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no-one who wanted to read one.

Neil Postman (in "Amusing Ourselves to Death")


COMBINING RESOURCING AND FUNDRAISING
Who would have thought of e-Bay as a reviewing journal? Certainly not anyone we know - probably because they aren't. But they do have some interesting stuff for libraries. Librarian parking signs, book themed jewelry, used clothing with the word 'librarian' embroidered on it. Seems like some enterprising individuals have found a new source of revenue ...
Really >>

LIBRARY SOCIALIZATION
Librarians work very hard. They come home tired, and many don't get out much. Maybe the Librarians' Date Book is just what you need ...
Punch the air >>

HIT LIST
Yahoo Groups has listed a club called /librarianscankissmyass/ which is apparently a series of anti-library rants. WLW couldn't bring ourselves to sign up - there would have been a number of pre-emptive borrowing card destructions. Those with greater self-control may care to lurk ...



WEEK'S WORST REFERENCE QUESTION
Q: "What is the main usage for the moon?" (Grade 8)

(A: Apart from being the world's main source of green cheese, it is also used to make tides, help plants to grow, and to give dogs something to howl about at 3am, when the batteries go dead on car alarms. Come back again soon.)

...There is no more to read >>

LIBRARY DOWNLOAD OF THE WEEK
Whilst looking out for the privacy of our patrons, what are we doing to protect our own? Does your (or your library's) computer(s) have Spyware" installed - obviously, not by you ....

...Anti-spyware tools >>

LIBRARIAN PROFILE OF THE WEEK

Rachel Weisz

Actress Rachel Weisz would like to go on public record as not being a librarian. Following her appearance in a ficticious role in the movies "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns", the actor has been beseiged with requests from librarians for library-related promotions. Also, she is getting fed up with the lines "...I am a librarian" being quoted all over library websites ....
...Proof >>

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
Has blogging gotten out of control? Have you noticed how many 'hits' in search engines are pages from blogs? Should there be some control over this - who is in charge, anyway?!!! Could The Anti-Bloggies Awards be the answer ...
Sigh >>

WLW ARCHIVES
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PAGE LAST UPDATED
March 28, 2003